8. Being Legalistic

The legalism I am referring to is that strain which elevates manmade rules to the same level of culpability as those commands which God has given scripture. God has given each set of Christian parents the responsibility to develop from Scripture a biblically based economy or “law of the house” for their children to abide by. This collection of house rules contains two basic sections:

 

Biblically directed rules are those which all men are obligated to obey because God commands them in His Word. Some obvious examples would be: Love Your God, Love Your Neighbor as Yourself, Do not lie, Do not covet, Do not steal, etc. On the other hand, biblically derived rules are those which are based on biblical principles; but which I am obligated to obey only as long as I am under God-ordained authority, in this case the authority of parents over their children. Examples might be: Do not stay up past 8:30 p.m. on school nights, Do not leave the table without asking to be excused, Eat all of your broccoli, You can only watch one hour of television per day and that only after your homework is finished.

Parents must develop temporal rules particular to their household order to promote unity in a household of sinners. This necessity, however, can turn into neglect if the distinction between these man made temporary rules and God’s eternal ones are not clearly delineated. This negligence often produces children who misunderstand, and consequently reject true Christianity. They can grow up with an overall impression which leads them to conclude that “Christianity” is an antiquated, stale, rigid, and nitpicking religion, having never experienced its power to transform lives.

Christ often contended with this same kind of legalism with the religious leaders of His day. The scribes and the Pharisees held to, propagated, and esteemed the oral tradition, the Talmud, to such an extent that it became for them as legal and binding as the Scriptures. It may not have been wrong for them to follow their own man-made applications of Scripture (“He who observes the day, observes it for the Lord, and he who eats, does so for the Lord, for he gives thanks to God; and he who eats not, for the Lord he does not eat, and gives thanks to God.” Rom. 14:6), but as soon as they imposed their man-made traditions on others, teaching these rules as though they were obligatory as God’s law, they became bound up in legalism. It was to these leaders, who did not distinguish man-made rules from God-breathed commandments, that Christ, after calling them hypocrites, reiterated the words of Isaiah:

Matthew 15:8-9
This people honors me with their lips, but their heart is far from me; in vain they do they worship me, teaching as doctrines the commandments of men.

If this kind of legalism provoked righteous indignation in the Lord Jesus, this kind of legalism can provoke anger in your child.

There is an important distinction that parents must make between these two sections of “The Law of the House.” Whereas God’s Law may never be appealed, parental laws are appealable. You may not say dogmatically (without being legalistic), “It’s God’s will for all children not to wear lipstick until they are sixteen years old.” You may however say (if you’re so inclined), “These are our house rules. If you would like to make a respectful appeal based on extenuating circumstances, we will consider it. When you are an adult, you will have your own house rules for your children. In the meantime, it is your responsibility to obey the house rules we have established based on biblical principles. If you decide to let your children wear lipstick at an earlier age, we will not interfere or tell you your decision is wrong.” You cannot make a promise like that to your child when he or she violates a clear command of Scripture. To do so would mean you are promising not to obey the clear command in Matthew 18:15 yourself.