2. Establishing and Maintaining a Child-Centered Home

Proverbs 29:15
The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.

When parents do not establish a home that is clearly Christ-centered (one in which each member understands his biblical role in the family and is committed to please Christ more than self), it is likely that the home will be child-centered. If the husband and the wife do not work at being closer to each other than to the child, the child may view himself as equal to rather than as a subordinate to them. In such “democratic” households, children tend to become angry when their desires do not get placed on equal status with the desires of their parents.

A child-centered home is one in which children are allowed to commit the following indiscretions:

     ·        Interrupt adults when they are talking
     ·        Use manipulation and rebellion to get their way

·        Dictate family schedule (including meal times, bedtimes, etc.)

·        Take precedence of the needs of the spouse

·        Have an equal or overriding vote in all decision making matters

·        Demand excessive time and attention from parents to the detriment of the other biblical responsibilities of the parent

·        Escape the consequences of their sinful and irresponsible behavior

·        Speak to parents as though they were peers

·        Be the dominant influence in the home

·        Be entertained (rather than disciplined) out of a bad mood

The concept of a God-centered home is derived from the biblical principle that the purpose of every Christian is to glorify God (1 Corinthians 10:31, 1 Corinthians 6:20). In contrast to a child-centered home, where pleasing and serving the child is the dominant theme, the God-centered home is one in which everyone is committed to pleasing and serving God. God’s desires are exalted over everyone else’s. Everyone in the family may be expected to sacrifice personal pleasures if God’s will requires it. This philosophy teaches children to serve rather than be honored, to give (loving) rather than take (be selfish). In God-centered homes, children are taught the following (among many others):

     ·        To joyfully serve others

·        To cheerfully obey parents the first time

·        To not interrupt parents who are speaking to each other

·        Understand they will not always get their own way

·        To work their schedule around their parents’ schedule

·        To have input in family decisions but not necessarily an equal vote

·        To understand that God has given their parents other responsibilities in addition to meeting their needs

·        To suffer the natural consequences of their sinful and irresponsible behavior

·        To not speak to parents as though they were peers but honor them as spiritual authorities

·        To esteem others as more important than themselves

·        To fulfill various household responsibilities (chores)

·        To protect themselves from certain bad influences

·        To not divide parents over disciplinary issues

·        To not be more intimate with either parents than the parents are with each other